Why it isn’t the big birthdays that freak me out

So, I’m turning 34 tomorrow and I’m a bit sad about it.

How often have you heard, ‘age is just a number’ or ‘at least you don’t look your age’?

Brilliant, that’s so lovely to hear, but my ovaries are screaming get a move on your lagging behind! Just because on the surface I don’t look my age doesn’t mean my body isn’t 34 years old. I have a bad back and odd pains and niggles here and there already!

The thing is, I have never freaked out about BIG birthdays (don’t get me wrong I might when I reach 40, but that’s a while away yet!). So when I turned 21 or 30 I was okay with it. I’ve always tended to freak out about my age at odd times. 26 for example, it was the last age I could get a Railcard, on the form I have to fill in I would soon be the next age bracket along….what?! I have to move my hand half a millimetre to tick a different age range! NOOOOO!!!

But, because I freaked out so much about being 26, I didn’t care about being 30. My energy had been wasted enough on that odd year. For my 30th I was going to celebrate in style, I had Vegas (baby) planned and had been talking about it for four years!!!

But when I got to 30, I was unemployed, single, and childless and not going to Vegas, safe to say, there’s a reason I don’t plan too far into the future. Although I did have a lovely time in Edinburgh with my sister and friends and we all know how Edinburgh is a substitute for Vegas right?!?!

The thing is I’m getting older, I just don’t like the sound of being, or even the number 34, I actually liked being 32, I felt grown up yet young, sophisticated yet could still class myself as a young ‘un. Alas, a year comes round and you’re 33….then 34.

It hits home when you talk about certain things, for instance, I am now working with people who were born in the 90s….like what?! They don’t remember things like Friends, Fresh Prince and life without social media. They think the current fashion of Reebok trainers and Adidas tracks with baseball caps, dungarees and chokers are a new fad….no I remember the 90s the first time round and believe me it wasn’t great then! (Trust me anyone older than me will have thought the exact same things as me when I started working with them….I feel your pain and I’m sorry I made you feel old…I get it now!).

I just feel that by now I should have my shit together, in certain aspects I do. Just, I still feel I’m lagging behind my contemporaries.

So for now, I’ll freak about being 34, because let’s face it I can’t do anything about it and in about six months I’ll have accepted it….oh f**k wait I’ll be closer to 35!!!!!!!!!

NB…I wonder if this resonates with anybody, times slipping away from them and feeling left behind and that they should be better at ‘life’ ha ha!

Have a good day xo

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