Call me Mani the Human Punching Bag

 

It’s the last week of March, we are technically in spring and the clocks have gone forward. It’s getting lighter and warmer and the feeling of optimism is in the air….sort of. However, there is definitely something odd in the atmosphere or the cosmos because this week has been emotionally exhausting.

I know, deep down that it is all because I’ve allowed it to be. I’ve been riding on such a high on life rollercoaster lately that the universe was bound to knock me down a peg or two or three and what a knockdown it’s been.

For once, I won’t share the exact details of what has led me to this moment of feeling like the universe is against me, it’s been a number of small incidents I’ve allowed to build up inside my head and affect me emotionally. I’m usually pretty good at letting go, I’ve learnt to be positive and not regret what has and hasn’t happened in my time on this planet.

But this week, it has affected me. Badly. To the point that I’ve cried a few times (already over my quota for once a year), hyperventilated in my hotel room minutes before going to a work conference and lost sleep.

Overthinking, is not my friend. It is anybody’s?

I have to admit, I’m not a religious person but I do believe in a deity, for the first time in about 10 years I was angry at Him about my life and we had words….or should I say I had words and I hope they were heard.

Oddly, this helped.

I know not everyone believes in a higher being but I guess you don’t have too. You can just yell (in your head, or out loud) at your situation and feel bad, because we are humans we have a range of emotions for a reason.

I’m a massive believer in not bottling up your feelings, it doesn’t mean you have to share these with anybody, you could even just write them down or bin them, but feeling them allows you to then deal with them and move on. At least that’s how I find it.

This week I’ve felt so bad about myself, not just how I look physically but questioning whether or not I was a decent human being (now that I’m feeling much better the answer to both these thoughts is hell yes I am!!).

I’ve told myself that I’m allowed to be angry, upset and sad…just as I allow myself to feel all the good emotions, feeling the bad ones doesn’t make me a bad or a negative person. I allow myself to feel so that I can get the best out of the emotions that I prefer.

Anyone seen the Disney movie ‘Inside Out’? They also share this message to some extent, that in order to feel Joy you need to have known Sadness. Good life lesson, you can’t enjoy the best of life if you have never suffered…a little. Can always count on Disney to make you feel better and add a little life lesson into the mix, if everything else fails, watch a Disney flick (geddit Flik…Bug’s Life??…..).

NB…I know this post contradicts the one I posted ‘stop feeling sorry for yourself’ a few weeks ago but sometimes you just have to let the bad emotions have their time too.

Have a good day xo

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