Generation Gap – Asians Parents and their British Asian Kids

As a 34 year old British Asian woman I can tell you growing up in an Indian household wasn’t always easy.

I’ve said before that my views differed from those of my parents.

I had to be Indian at home but Western outside, however, sometimes the two did not mix. Western views at home led to clashes with my parents (namely mum) and up until my mid-twenties, I felt too ashamed to be my Indian self as that didn’t fit in with how everyone else was.

So I thought about the generation gap and why we clash and decided to go through some of the things our parents don’t understand about their British children;

  1. Dating

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not been on many dates or dated that many guys, but to my parents the idea that after one date you should marry is a bit archaic for my taste.  Having done the whole arranged marriage thing and it not working out, forgive me for wanting to get to know someone a little better, as well as their intentions!

Dating can also just be that, dating, nothing too serious, if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work.

Or when you think it’s working and you get your heartbroken, that’s a new concept to some Indian parents. How many times have you heard ‘God willing, it will happen’ when you want advice or that it’s in your ‘karma’ for good or bad when you’re sat crying over a heartbreak.

I believe this to an extent but sometimes real life advice would be welcome to help you get over certain situations in life, not just relationship trouble.

The other golden piece of advice is ‘get over it’ that one really helps…

 

  1. Going Out

Oh this one is a giggle and a half.

Now I’m a bit older I definitely don’t go out as much as I used to in my 20s. For one I’m getting more and more tired the older I get and for two my friends and closest family have moved away so we have to schedule months in advance, it’s called life and growing up.

However, in certain periods of my life yes, I’m busy a lot and make plans that fill up my time that it seems I’m never at home. The common ‘you go out too much’ phrase comes into play. Mother never notices when I’ve been home every weekend for the past 8 weeks because I’ve had no plans…eh!? Selective I think!

  1. Mix of friends (including, god forbid, boys!)

So basically all my friends are girls. Enough said!

I have only white female friends (growing up even that was an issue), I’m acquaintances with their partners but I have no male friends of my own and that’s just because it was frowned upon when I was growing up.

Of course all white males are going to want to have their wicked way with their daughter and impregnate her!

Nope that’s just the random Indian strangers you ask us to marry!

  1. Career goals as a single woman

I’m moving to Birmingham in a few weeks, I got a new job out there. It’s a chance for me to break away from Scunthorpe and learn new skills, hopefully improve my writing and meet more brown people!!

My parents can’t quite comprehend this, I’m sure they’ll miss me, why wouldn’t they? But I’m ready to move out and live in a shared house with complete strangers!

I’ve never particularly been career minded in the sense that I had clear cut path of what job/career I wanted. I’ve just always done my jobs to the best of my abilities and that’s made me successful. I don’t quite think my mum gets how hard I work and that moving to a city without being married in 2017 is okay! It’s a little scary, financially, but I’ll make it work. This is something that is hard to translate and get across so I don’t really try.

I’m sure my parents had a generation gap with their parents growing up, but it seems bigger somehow when your parents are from back home (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh) to how we as Britons feel towards our family.

I know a lot of men and women like me feel that frustration in not being able to explain certain aspects or dreams with their parents because their brains don’t work that way no matter how open minded they’ve become.

NB…Be good to know how those born in the last 18 years feel, whether a generation gap still exists as they’ll be 3rd or 4th generation British Asian, surely?!

Have a good day xo

4 Comments

  1. Heena
    July 17, 2017 / 8:36 pm

    Fab ..so rightly put up hunni! I admire ur wrote up always..so frank n bold! Well done x x

    • manihayre
      July 17, 2017 / 8:58 pm

      Thank you my lovely 🙂 means a lot to me that you read my stuff and secondly think it’s good!! mwah! xx

  2. Kuljeet Jagdev
    July 18, 2017 / 8:40 am

    Yeah you’re moving to Brum! That’s where I live now! Do keep in touch and we can share stories of traditional Indian or not!
    PS – it’s all good fun 😊

    • manihayre
      July 18, 2017 / 9:33 am

      Oh that’ll be nice! Make some new friends in the area! Moving in a few weeks, looking forward to it now 🙂 xx

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