If you’ve ever been in a relationship and you think it’s going the distance and it suddenly ends it is heart-wrenchingly painful. Grieving from a breakup is the same as grieving, you’re going to go through all the same range of emotions and you know what that’s FUCKING okay!!
Having had a wedding and a very tiny part of a marriage and a relationship a few years ago I’ve heard all the clichés and after a while, they do tend to get a little tedious. As a woman in her mid-30s who is technically ‘labelled’ as a divorcee and that from an Asian family people are all about the clichés and telling you things you don’t want to hear…as let’s face it it’s not exactly helpful advice!
Having recently had my heart broken (again) I would just like to point out some things that you should NOT say when someone is hurting, even if you mean well.
- You’ll meet someone when you least expect it
The thing is I did. I was on a path to leave my parents and make a life for myself but being single was a part of it and I met someone who came along and added to my life. So I wasn’t expecting it, I wasn’t looking for it, it just happened. I don’t think it’s likely to happen again.
- Plenty more fish in the sea
- You deserve better
Hell yes I do, but I tend to get hurt every single time so how does this help? I know it’s meant to make someone feel better but it really doesn’t. It just makes you feel worse because the person you were enjoying being around and saw a future with didn’t want you. Rejection hurts and whilst deep down yes you do deserve better it doesn’t help being told this when you thought you had it.
- Get rid of anything that reminds you of them
This is actually good advice to be fair, but only if you want to and are ready too. In my last relationship, I was angry and we ended on a bad note so it was a cleansing process getting rid of his number, messages any photos sent or received. It was therapeutic. But what happens when you end amicably? You can’t bring yourself to delete anything because there are no bad memories attached to them. Where do I get my closure?
- God only gives you as much as you can handle
Well, I’m sorry but God can sod off. I don’t constantly deserve to be unhappy. I’m a decent person so this saying sucks! (When I’m feeling better I’ll start saying this to myself and other people, but right now don’t even go there!).
- This was just meant to be a life lesson
Oh yeah, great life lesson. Another lesson in pain and loss….when do the happy life lessons start and continue for longer than 9 or 10 months.
- Everything happens for a reason
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! WHAT REASON!?!?!
- Think Positive
I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to be mopey and sad. I understand that mindset and being positive breed’s positivity so why do bad things happen?
I really do understand that in these situations people don’t always know what to say to make you feel better. I’m sure I’ve been one of those people that have given at least three of the above pieces of ‘advice’ to someone who was hurting, either from a breakup or anything else.
It just dawned on me that it would be nice to be allowed to be sad and deal with the heartache and just have someone to LISTEN to you and not say anything. It’s a way of venting and getting things off your chest. Not everything that was done and said in a relationship and end of one needs to be analysed and talked about, speaking from experience (and as an over thinker) analysing anything from a broken relationship will not help in the healing process. It’s almost as if you’re justifying things for yourself.
Sometimes things just end.
NB…It made me feel a little better hearing on the radio that Jennifer Aniston’s relationship broke down, as much as that’s a sad thing to happen it oddly made me feel less alone in my pain. I will soldier on.
Have a good day xo