So I’m currently in Abu Dhabi having a lovely time visiting a friend who lives out here. This trip was so last minute for me I booked literally 9 days before flying out…also a holiday I was doing on my own! Argh!!
The reason I’m starting this post with me being on holiday is well let’s face it I’m bragging, slightly, because I’m warm in February, but mostly because in January I had no clue how to spend my annual leave from work.
Let me explain, having a holiday away from home is important to me and has been in the last few years and I’ve been to some amazing places. I won’t list them, I’m bragging but don’t want to overdo it so that you hate me and think I’m privileged. Believe me I’m not.
So January I knew I had one week planned potentially for June but then the rest of my leave was dragging out in front of me and depressing me slightly because I had no idea what to do with my time. I get the minimum 20 days a year, whilst not a lot, as a singleton with all your closest friends and sister, who used to be your holiday buddy, all coupled up it was depressing that I wasn’t anybody’s go to for a break away.
At the end of 2016 I wrote about my arranged marriage and the funk I was in, whilst I never do the whole new year new me nonsense on 1st January I was determined to make sure the funk I mentioned didn’t overwhelm me in 2017.
I started performing better at work because I decided to feel passionate about my job, whilst not my dream job I decided I was going to do the best I could whilst I was there and hell it turns out I’m freaking good at it! Who knew!?!
So, my job was going better than it had been because I’d made a conscious effort to not be miserable and actually do my job to the best of my ability. I was also determined to do the same with my life, hence why I told myself off for not have any holiday buddies and if it meant no break away abroad it didn’t mean anything, so shut up whining.
I’m sure others have thought and felt this, single or not that feeling sorry for yourself, for whatever reason, (usually something so dumb it hardly matters) gets you nowhere. Yes, please do feel your emotions but don’t let them overwhelm you into feeling bad all the time.
That feeling of immense loneliness and heavy weight on your chest not knowing what the future holds, it’s safe to say its okay not to know. Why do we do feel the need to plan and over analyse our lives and not just live and see what the future holds?
At the mid to end of 2016 I was desperately trying to figure out what new job I should get and where in the country I should move to as I felt this internal pressure to be all independent woman and have my own place.
I also re-joined a dating site (see previous blogs for those encounters), in the hope, wrongly, that being with a guy was my way out of taking any responsibility that led me to decisions that deep down scared me. So yes, at this moment I’m currently settling for being comfortable and soon will need to move on, but I also realised that me being happy or lonely had nothing to do with being single or needing a guy around to help me. My happiness should come from me, because why should that be someone else’s responsibility? I wouldn’t want to have that on my shoulders, as selfish as that sounds.
So, I made a last minute plan to come to Abu Dhabi and visit a friend who I used to work with, never in a million years would this have been in my plans when I wasted my energy on feeling bad about not having a break.
Long post and hopefully you made it to the end!! Moral of the story live your life by your terms don’t be so hard on yourself and just be happy even when you’re lonely.
Have a good day xo